Two questions have been begging to be answered in my heart lately. The first - Why in the world don't I blog/write anymore? The second - If I did, what in the world would I write about these days?
While there are probably many reasons that I've stayed away from this space this year, one of those reasons is becoming increasingly clear and convicting at the same time. Last year around this time I began dreaming of what it was going to be like to be blogging from Ndola, Zambia. I eagerly anticipated the joy of sharing through my writing what God was doing through our family and in our family from the other side of the world. Previous to that I had the privilege of sharing our journey to and experiences in our new neighborhood. And previous to that I was able to share the ups and downs and excitement of our adoption. But by the fall it became painfully clear that God was saying, "Not Zambia. Not now." And then by the winter we heard him say, "Not this neighborhood. Your time is finished here." And neither of those things was at all what I wanted to have Him say. And the raw truth is this - it's just been a really crappy year for us. Yes, there have been bright spots and yes we've still lived in and seen God's goodness and faithfulness through it all. But on the whole - just not super good times. I'll spare myself and you the pain of reliving it here. But who wants to read my blog about how we've been barely managing to keep our heads above water spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically, and pretty much any other -ally you can think of? Anyone?
I really hope I'm being honest with you and with myself when I say that I truly believe it was never my intention to bring glory to any other than God as I shared our different journeys and paths over the last several years. We were experiencing God in so many new and exciting ways and I really wanted to share that with anyone who would give me their ear. But where does that leave me now? How do I answer that second question? Much to my dismay on many days, we don't currently live on foreign soil OR in an intentional missional neighborhood. We are not currently in the process of an international adoption or anything equally exciting. How am I supposed to point people to the God that I so desperately want to bring glory to in the midst of what is not my finest or most exhilarating hour?
And this is what convicted me out of my bed to the keyboard. The Spirit gently reminded me that finding God and his glory in the midst of the extraordinary is actually pretty easy. Finding Him and sharing Him in the midst of the mundane (and even the crappy) is much more difficult. Finding Him and bringing glory to His name through the basketball and the braces and the temper tantrums and the potty training requires a deep desire and a strong commitment to doing that. Finding Him among the struggle to find a community of believers to live life with, the half remodeled house, kids struggling to adjust, chins busted wide open, and personal hurt that fades too slowly - that takes something that I really don't think I've been giving.
Jeremiah 29:13 says "If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."
I pray and long for the day that God shows us the next "extraordinary" way that He desires to use our family. But until then, perhaps looking for him wholeheartedly, finding Him, and bringing Him glory in these mundane and sometimes difficult days is the truly extraordinary task He is calling me to.