She wants to be just like me. ME! For nearly 10 years I've been a mother of boys. Boys who at the age of 2 began to identify with their daddy - their nearly perfect daddy. Boys who by the age of 3 wanted nothing more than to be just like their daddy. And as a mommy who has always been painfully aware of her faults and shortcomings, I've taken great comfort in the knowledge that my boys will likely model themselves after their dad. But now there's this girl. This sweet, strong and oh so smart little girl. She loves all things pink and Dora and baby dolls and pigtails. She stands beside me in the mirror and asks me if she's pretty. And lately all she talks about is how her hair is long "like yours mommy." And how she sleeps in a big girl bed "like you mommy." And how she goes to the potty " like you mommy" :). And she says things like "We're the girls!" and we hit fists and she says "Girl power!". It seems like half of her statements end with "like you mommy!". So like any honored mother would do, I smile and I nod and I say something along the lines of "That's right! Just like mommy!". But each time I hear her say those words, deep inside I can feel the panic creeping in. The panic says, "You do not need to be replicated!" The reality is that this too selfish, impatient mama doesn't want her little girl to grow up and be just like her. I am humbled. I am terrified. I tell myself I've GOT to finally get my act together. Stop losing my cool. Stop being so distracted. Start being the perfect mother that she needs and deserves before it's too late.
But he said to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Cor. 12:9
And that's when I remember what is truth. She is His, not mine. And that's good news for this mother in need of much grace. Yes, He has given me a great task in entrusting her to me, asking me to train her and love her and show her Christ. And oh how I don't want to fail at that most important of tasks. But how quickly I forget that my "success" in this and all things is not dependent on me. All I have to do is step aside and let His power work through me. But isn't that the hardest task of all? The stepping aside? And why is it so hard? Do I really think I can do a better job?
More of Him and less of me. That's the only thing that needs to change. When I finally step aside and let His power be made perfect through my multitude of weaknesses, perhaps then my heart will swell with joy at the sound of my daughter speaking those precious, heavy words.
"Just like you mommy."